The Pakistani tradition of cyclical retardation

Pakistanis as a people are a curious bunch. Sometimes we’ll be passionate and full of cunning; our hearts will be full of love and trust. On other occasions, we’ll be cynical and downright stupid, playing out the same beaten arguments again and again for no reason whatsoever.

Despite the fact that it is clear as day that the taliban problem needs to be addressed, at least in half, by the military, some “intellectuals” will still feel it is their duty (to the gods of idiocy) to argue otherwise.

Step forward, Ansar Abbasi:


We are on a suicide mission. At a time when our sovereignty is seriously threatened and is being violated and our foreign policy being entirely run on alien diktat, Pakistanis are being made the scapegoats on a daily basis as their lives serve as fodder for the US war on terror, imposed on us on Washington’s terms.

Initially it was General Musharraf, who after 9/11 served as Washington’s poodle and badly divided the nation. And now it is the democratically elected but NRO-laundered regime that has owned the US war as its own war.

And who is it that is threatening our sovereignty then? The US? An ally who attached conditions to aid just like any state? You wouldn’t be talking about the taliban now would you?

Ah yes, the US War on Terror. Surely it can’t be our war, despite you know, the taliban routinely killing Pakistanis. Or, you know, taking control of Pakistani territory and cutely negotiating a huge chunk of it for themselves (Swat). You do know that that’s also a violation of our sovereignty, right?


When last year, the only time the issue was ever referred to parliament in nine years, the people’s representatives unanimously disowned this war and without even a single dissenting voice passed a resolution demanding a homegrown solution to extremism and terrorism through a dialogue. But who cares what the people say.

That’s fair. The Pakistani people got their wish, to an extent, with the talks that handed Swat over the taliban. Ofcourse, the taliban then decide to flounce over to Buner – 60km from Islamabad. Isn’t that when the people of Pakistan thought, “oh shit. they’re coming closer to us!” And so Pakistan woke up. When I say Pakistan, btw, I mean the powerful Punjabis and Sindhis, because lets face it: what are a couple of thousand pashtun deaths eh? Sharia Law and lashing of girls is a-okay as long as it happens in the NWFP. Or Afghanistan!

I haven’t even touched on the argument that you can’t really negotiate with the taliban either. By that I don’t mean a “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” stance. Fuck that. What I mean is that there is nothing we can realistically give the taliban. What do they want? NATO/US forces out of Afghanistan? We can’t do that. Sharia law in Pakistan? Nops. Swat? Not really. I mean okay, the government might give it over cause who cares, it’s Swat, but a government can’t hand over a substantial piece of the country to a militant group. What next? Rich kids with Uzis owning Defence in Lahore?

So, I ask again Ansar Abbasi, what can we give to the taliban?


Blah blah blah blah blah general banalities blah blah blah blah vague statements that are on the mark – because they’re vague blah blah blah blah safe rhetoric blah blah blah another generalization blah blah blah safe moral argument blah blah blah.

Fair enough.


We don’t want our people to be killed but others do. We don’t want our army to be dragged in a situation where it is compelled to use its muscle against its own people and get unpopular but others do. We don’t desire to see brothers killing brothers here but others do.

Wahey! The reason for the title of the post! The comeback of the same godawful, 10th grade level arguments! YES!

Our army kind of got us into this mess you know, by, um, training people like these cuntchops? That said, it is unfortunately the infantry that gets screwed over. That is a shame. People like Col. Imam are the ones who ought to find themselves facing a blunt knife heading towards their testicles.


But what we want and desire cannot be achieved if we follow the foreign dictat. It can’t be achieved through military options either. It can be effectively achieved only through a process of dialogue, rethinking of our strategy, pondering into the whole situation to address the root causes, the US war on terror, drone attacks, enslavement of Islamabad to the whims and wishes of Washington and US and Nato forces presence in Afghanistan. A political initiative in line with the unanimous resolution adopted by the parliament last year is thus a vital and urgent need. Terrorism is condemnable but it cannot be defeated only through the use of force, which is counter productive.

Come on now. Dialogue schmialogue. Unless you can, through dialogue, ensure that the state of Pakistan maintains its sovereignty and can enforce provincial and federal laws throughout the country. But you can’t do that now can you? Root causes of terrorism? How about thirst for power, religious fanaticism fostered in unchecked Madrassahs, a ‘better’ life by virtue of the extraordinary amounts of cash channelled to terrorists, training provided by ‘rogue’ members of the Pakistani Army/ISI and so on?

Terrorism is condemnable? What the fuck is this wimpish league? Shit. I can’t remember what Wikipedia calls ‘vague’ language but the word they use is brilliant for this half-assed twattery. Blowing up women and children in Peshawar is condemnable?


This is precisely what is happening in Pakistan. Washington would not like this but we need to focus on political means instead of entirely depending on the military option, which should remain restricted and quick. The US war on terror is neither in the interest of Muslims nor in favour of Pakistan. Therefore, the US war, now owned by our rulers and fought in the fashion the US expects us to fight, is not our war and it will never be.

The War on Terror isn’t in the interest of muslims? It isn’t in our interest to weed out a fanatic element of Islam that wants to do nothing more than distort and pillage the religion and its teachings? It isn’t in our interest to ensure that an ideology like that of the taliban at the very least takes on a non-militaristic route? It isn’t in our interest to ensure that muslim women aren’t whipped because they were talking to a guy who wasn’t their father/brother? It isn’t in our interest to ensure that a man who doesn’t want to keep a beard is lashed to the seventh circle of hell?

We do fuck all (if not encourage) to take care of a bastardization of Islam, but when someone else wants to have a crack at it we throw a fucking strop? As a muslim if I’m going abroad I’d rather not have Visa problems and security problems simply because I belong to a faith whose followers are a bunch of tossers who don’t want to help clean their goddamn backyard.

Pakistan is stuck in a cycle – a cycle of violence, arguments, justifications, democracies and dictatorships. It rises inherently from a seemingly imbedded antipathy towards anyone who dares to criticize us, no matter how true their criticism rings. That’s why our arguments never develop from the same tired soundbytes. That’s why we never listen to what the other party says and take that into account, in order to better streamline our positions. That’s why one thrown plate of pudding is followed by another, and another, till infinity.

And just as I say that, Imran Khan pops up with his usual gems.

I don’t think it’s possible to even cry anymore.


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