It’s been a brilliant week or so for me. Though, when I say week, I mean the week that passed before the last one. In other words, this post is about a week late.
Anyway, I graduated with a first, finally. I think I’ve studied harder my past three years than all my o/a levels combined. Soon after that news made me giddy, I released my debut EP onto the internets. Music has never come easy to me, and writing has always been tough because I’ve been my own worst critic. As a result, anything I wrote I’d quickly confine to the dumpster simply because I’d not be happy with it. That changed a month and a half ago when I wrote Gregor Samsa is Dead, Long Live Gregor Samsa and sent it to a few of my friends. The fact that they loved it made it easier for me to then start using them as critics, rather than relying solely on myself to judge my music. That ended up changing a lot of things – out of nowhere I got a genuine desire to work and write, rather than come up with a nice section of music and then imagine fame, fortune and lots of new guitar gear bought from all that fortune.
You’ll notice I didn’t mention sex there; simply because us ambient musicians don’t get laid. We aren’t rockstars you see, so why dream a dream that’s pretty impossible? So we dream about the next best thing: loads and loads and loads of guitars, pedals and amps. Maybe a few midi keyboards thrown in for good measure.
Anyway, back to my narrative. So I started writing and I started sending what I wrote to some of my friends whose input I valued highly. I pestered them with a dozen versions of my songs when they were demos, and made them comment on the slightest of changes. Though I didn’t listen to everything they said (I got a bit arrogant – whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is something only they can decide), I was exhilarated to know that they loved the final product. Even though I’d love to get a band together and make some shoegaze meets slowcore meets good old indie rock goodness, I know that at least my desire to keep making ambient music regardless of my activities in a(ny) band will always find itself untethered by the constraints of self-criticism. Partly, this is because I hope I still have the same friends to count on, and partly because releasing Snow Makes Things Perfect gives me the confidence to do it again.